Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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