im six kinds of drunk right now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize