you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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