it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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