wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
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I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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