Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize