So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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