I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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