I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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