I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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