I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So squirting runs in the family.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize