but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
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He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
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Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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