i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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