was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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