haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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