I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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