I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize