he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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