One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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