her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
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I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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