Barsexuality is the new black.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
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I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
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I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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