:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
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I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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