Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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