My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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