Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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