is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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