I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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