meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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