Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
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he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
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I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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