we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
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Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
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A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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