Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
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chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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