well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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