do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize