You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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