Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
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he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize