So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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