She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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