I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize