R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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