How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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