This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
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If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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