Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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