Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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