he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize