It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We are two peas in an std pod
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize