She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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