Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
tell your sister to shave her snatch
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I did not marry a roomba.
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