your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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