FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize