I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize